Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Fruit Loops

The assumption is most of you have seen an egg tree at Easter. Fewer of you may have seen a Halloween tree. But you have to admire the dedication and determination of a yard artist who must keep decorations in their tree all year long.

Lambikins, why must the bananas forever be out of reach.

Of course the other assumption is that this isn't a magical mixed fruit tree.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Hecklers

On their days off from the diamond mine, the dwarfs like to take in the local girlie show.


Hey, Henriette ... I got a dollar for you right here.

Score

  • Dwarfs out on the town: 5 points
  • Incomplete set bonus: 2 points
  • Topless chickens behind grope proof screening: 0 points
  • Dirty disco ball: 0 points

Subtotal: 7 points

Creativity Bonus

For lecherous behavior unbecoming for a princess' companions and for the blatant hussiness of the red feathered poultry: 2 points

Total: 9 points

How do I know they are not gnomes: by the floppy hats.

Friday, September 25, 2009

A Gnome of Distinction

A momentous event has befallen Life's Highway game. The Higher Power, co-creator of the yard art driving game, has finally succumbed to the siren call of competition and has submitted her first entry.

A fishing trophy? A monument to carp loving gnomes?

Score
  • Fish hugging gnome: 4 points
  • Broken birdbath still in use: 2 points
  • Rock: 0 points
Subtotal: 6 points

Creativity Bonus

For the mounting of a gnome who professes great adoration of his carp and for the rock propping of his makeshift pedestal so that is is leaning on a perfectly level yard: 3 points.

Total: 9 points

Apparently not all carp/koi are created equal. So be careful which fish you love.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

My Gnome Protocol

Gnome and I have a tenuous relationship. I try to respect their space and they try to not take over the world. It is a pretty good win/win situation for me. Two gnomes lurk in my hostas. Our deal is that they are suppose to keep the deer out of my little shade garden and I will allow them to have their small gnome cabal without my interruption. I suspect they call the deer in at night. You should see my hostas.


d/iowa views differ from my own. She ♥ gnomes.


I don't want to state the obvious here but Mr. Snail is being taken for a wild ride... if you know what I mean.

Score

  • Snail riding gnome: 4 points
  • Star: 1 point

Subtotal: 5 points

Creativity Bonus

For the expression of chagrin on the snail and for the gnome's O Face: 2 points

Total: 7 points

O Face - Urban dictionary warning

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Rare Bears

News Flash:

Once thought extinct, the a small band of the Carolina Tabby Bear were discovered in central North Carolina. The Carolina Tabby Bear is recognised by its distinct marbling pattern. Other features of note include a general impression of lack of depth and also a sub-par ability to climb trees. This last trait is theorized by some experts to be the reason for the sharp decline the bear's numbers. Others opine that the Tabby Bear's pelt makes an exceptional throw for cold and rainy days.



Hold on Timmy, Mom's coming ... um, see if your brother can help

Score

  • 3 tabby striped bears: 3 points

Subtotal: 3 points

Creativity Bonus

For the displaying of silhouette bears no longer exactly in silhouette and for the dangly of a bear cub by its feet much to the horror of his family members: 2 points.

Total: 4 points

Sugar Overload for the 80's kids:

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Family Dispute

Due to corporate down sizing, Juan Valdez faces an early retirement. And after years of selfless dedication his only reward is the gift of a one eared donkey. It shames him


Sorry Juan, I can't hear you moan, man, cuz you're on my bad side. Hey, can I eat?

Monday, September 21, 2009

Doing Hard Time

At Camp Reeves you can get in but you can never get out.


"Hey, we all need friends in here. I could be a friend to you"

Score

  • Snowy egret: 1 point
  • Blue Heron: 1 point

Subtotal: 2 points

Creativity Bonus

For the cruelty of propping leggless water birds by their necks on a fence rail, the novelty of actually displaying a heron and an egret and for not giving up on your display after the legs fall out from under them: 2 points.

Total: 4 points

I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up DOES rejoice. Still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone. - Red, Shawshank Redemption

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Save the Princesses

And now a public service message brought to you by Dopey:


A princess loses her home everyday to the neglect and cruelty of evil stepmothers. Won't you please aid in the support these poor homeless beauties. We dwarf's can't do it alone but with your help... another princess maybe saved from a life of drudgery and neglect. Thank you.

Score
  • Snow White pitiful and wane in her old faded gown: 1 point
  • The Seven caretakers: 7 points + 1 point for the snow effect
Subtotal: 8 points

Creativity Bonus

The setting for this lawn display lacks a certain amount of flair (concrete slab) but I like the pleading neediness of Doc and I find Snow White particularly wistful: 1 point

Total: 9 points

Submission offered by louisbickett. Check out his flickr photo stream.

In case you need a refresher course in dwarf identification: informative chart

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Nightmare on Oak Street

Horror films use children as an effective element of terror. For example, the creepy girl in The Ring, or the other creepy grey kid in the Grudge. And I don't know about you but those twin girls in the The Shining terrify me.

So if I had to walk by this everyday and then expect to sleep at night...

enough said.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Blair Gnome Project

OK, I admit it. The Blair Witch Project scared the crap out of me... the second time. The first time I watched it and said "wait, what?" Apparently yard art commentators are not real sharp when it comes to implied horror.

Yer Sister stumbled upon these poor victims:

    The motel we stayed at has retired it's gnomes. They must have done something terrible!

Mike, continue sniveling and cowering. We need and more shaky cam!

Score

2 gnomes facing an uncertain doom or bad boy time-out (it could go either way): 8 points

Subtotal: 8 points

Creativity Bonus

For the eternal punishment of gnomes who probably deserved it and for the curiosity that draws you in: 2 points

Total: 10 points


Monday, September 14, 2009

Probably Were My Neighbors

There are few yard items that transcend its original function to a glory that defines my rural southern upbringing. The seahorse birdbath is one. Submitted by mt.MT.Mt are two more:


the tire planter and the cable spool table

Score

  • Hand crafted wooden donkey and cart (unusual presentation kitch): 3 points
  • Chicken: 1 point
  • Planter made from a inside out tire spray painted white (yes!): 1 point
  • Sqirrel zoomie: 1 point
  • 2 half eaten geese: 2 points
  • 2 Broken birdbaths: 4 points
  • Cable spool table: 0 points (because alas it does function as a table)

Subtotal: 12 points

Creativity Bonus

For the presentation of magical tire planter that protects pretty perky hen from demented fowl eating squirrel: 2 points

Total: 14 points

Clink on the tire planters link - the swans will make your time work while (I promise!)

Check out mt-MT-Mt photo steam on Flickr

Friday, September 11, 2009

The Tribe

The Red Hats always serve beer at their cookouts.

help, I am begging you.


They find it helps with the ol' eye removal thing before they start up the grill. Seems to keep the dinner quieter.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Twin Ponies

Just because you have a tiny yard does not prohibit you from collecting and displaying your fine team of matching horses.

fegbm submits and demonstrates my preferred method of photo journalism: the slow-down-take-the-picture-and-drive-off maneuver. A methodology which requires a brave driver who will participate and not have a nervous breakdown.


Those damn paparazzi are back... don't look, it only encourages them

Score

  • 2 black and white paint ponies: 2 points
  • Guardian equine angel: 0 points

Subtotal: 2 points

Creativity Bonus

For the team of piebald horses on a tiny lawn whose very lives are in constant peril from driveway traffic and sidewalk shenanigans: 2 points

Total: 4 points

I fear for the horse on the left.

Checkout fegbm's photo stream on Flickr.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Shrinepalooza

Lola Nova writes the crafty blog Lola Nova - Whatever Lola Wants. It is not often our worlds overlap. She makes things like quilts, dolls, bread, clothes and probably has sheep behind her house and makes her own darn wool and clothes the entire family on one ewe. On the other hand I occasionally make sandwiches.

So when Lola Nova submitted this entry I was thrilled - yard artistry and craft in one fantastical package!

    "Expecting a return of the pterodactyl, they built a birdbath fountain of significant proportion (it is fully functional).Along with the birdbath, some kind of shrine was erected to gods of unknown origins."

my guess: planter pots stacked on top of conduit pipe encrusted with spackled and bedazzled with shells or rocks
my guess: um.... well, a lot of spackling and shelling that is for sure


Score (list provide by Lola Nova)

  • 1 giant birdbath/fountain (the picture does not do justice to it's mammoth size): 1 point (how I wish I could give more)
  • 1 shrine of ??? (I think it too was meant to be a fountain with a water wheel but, I have never seen it function.): 2 points for non-functioning whatchamacallit.
  • 1 reindeer: 1 point
  • 1 cherub: 0 points
  • 1 bird: 1 point
  • 1 lamb under the protective watch of said reindeer: 1 point
  • 5 tiny dinosaurs embedded in shrine: 5 points
  • King Kong holding 1 out of proportion blond nude (but for jogging shoes): 1 point + 2 points (for semi-dressed beauty)

Subtotal: 14 points

Creativity Bonus

For the sheer will of smothering a gigantic display in terracotta colored playdoh and then carefully inlaying your masterpiece in tiny shells or rocks and for its grand scale: 4 points

Total: 18 points


Golden Manatee Award. Don't spend it all in one place.

Do you know when you see something so awful you cringe because you know the owner is so darn proud of it and you get the icky sick feeling of well, pity?

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Vive L'amour

d/iowa continues our unintentional cartoon theme with one of my personal favorites:



It was then that Flower realised his dream sequence had taken a bad turn

Score

  • Personal space violated skunk: 1 point
  • Pepe Le Pew: 1 point

Subtotal: 2 points

Creativity Bonus

Giving Pepe the opportunity of do what Pepe does without concern for your other yard art figures and for our first skunks: 2 points

Total: 4 points


"I tell you what. You stop resisting me, and I, I will stop resisting you. When have you had a better offer than that?" - Pepe Le Pew

Friday, September 4, 2009

Hide and Seek

When playing the Yard Art Game from a moving car, choices have to be made. Usually it is wise to note the remarkable, the bonus point kitsch items and throw in as many items as you can verbally list before the yard goes out of site. The at home version allows a player to study, review and makes notes on their entry. Some players are more diligent than others (you know who you are!)

eventer79 submitted the following yard (which I blew up in Photoshop, printed off, made notes and circles. I know I will probably miss something):

note1 : what is the blue tipped penis thing? And is that deformed mushroom?



note 2: omg, it's woody! Where did the penis thing go?

note 3: Is that a fake wood pecker in the tree? What in the heck are those small red balls?

Score

  • Donkey and broken cart sadly separated (kitsch): 3 points
  • Fox: 1 point
  • Geese: 2 points
  • 2 men hanging out on a bench: 2 points
  • Mushroom thingy (or maybe a gnome house?): 1 point
  • Phallic blue thing: 1 point
  • Terrier dog or Hereford bull: 1 point
  • 2 ducks: 2 points
  • Woody Wood Pecker (awesome): 1 point
  • 2 swans: 2 points
  • Courting frogs (kitsch): 3 points
  • Woodpecker nailed to tree: 1 point
  • little red balls: 0 points (because I don't know what in the heck that is)
  • Broken birdbath: 2 points

Subtotal: 22 points

Creativity Bonus

Fairly standard collection except for items I cannot identify but I do love the Woody Wood Pecker and they seem to have a woodpecker theme: 1 point

Total: 23 points


Thursday, September 3, 2009

Not Gnomes


Fecal towers in various natural shades does not a gnome make.

Even if they have different colored pointy hats.

Just sayin'

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Are You Ready For Some Football

I am going to get out right in front of this thing. I know next to nothing about organized sports. If it doesn't somehow involve a saddle and horse sweat then the rules, regulations and regalia of a particular sport alludes me. Therefore when d/iowa sent the following submission, I was relieved she identified the team for me. Although I did managed to recognized the type of helmet.

Our friends the duck/seagulls are back.

Nebraska Cornhuskers Avian Fan Club annual Saturday afternoon game.
um....we could get started if the referee would kindly take the ball out of his mouth.

Score

  • 8 seagulls (I have made my decision) dressed including tiny helmets!: 16 points
  • Pelican dressed as an official: 2 points
Subtotal: 18 points

Creativity Bonus

For a flock of birds dressed in Cornhuskers capes and tiny helmets and for a disgruntled Pelican who they did not let play: 4 points

Total: 22 points

Golden Manatee Award of Creative Excellence.

The bigger question is how did a flock of seagulls and a rouge pelican get to Nebraska?

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

A Call For Beavers

A request was made a couple of weeks ago for beaver yard art examples. It seems this is a more difficult request than I had anticipated. Oregon State where is your Beaver Love?

eventer79 comments:
I confess I have not yet run across a beaver in my travels, but I have found these two online...

There is just something so wrong about the concept of beaver swingers...
(But a swinging hedgehog is so right.)


I WANT this: zen beaver -- he is deep in ninja thought, beware the sleeping beaver...


I searched and found these examples:

Two of your more typical figurines type offerings (boring)



A deluxe silver plated chainsaw beaver with gold painted nails!


My beaver love has not been fulfilled but the siver beaver came pretty darn close. The quest continues for a beaver in an actual yard.