Thursday, March 18, 2010

Rocks Are Not Yard Art - The Higher Power Has Spoken

 An editorial written by The Higher Power (now you guys are in for it):
................................................................................................
It’s time to lay this one to rest. Sticks/rocks/shells/bones/natural debris/etc are NOT yard art and therefore NOT subject to scoring. I don’t care if that pile of rocks is aesthetically pleasing to you. It’s still just a pile of rocks, and Mother Nature probably would’ve done a better job of arranging them and we would call it natural beauty

Elephant Rocks at Elephant Rocks State Park.Case in point.

Seashells are very similar to rocks. In fact, from far away they look just like rocks. Also, the magic of The Yard Art Game stems from the artist’s love and efforts at displaying their skill (or lack thereof) in yard decorating. Tossing last summer’s beach souvenirs in the front yard takes very little thought or effort. So no seashells. Furthermore we are not Better Homes and Gardens, and don’t want to tread the slippery slope of landscape judging. So no plants. Sticks and other natural debris don’t count either. Sticks are basically yard trash. If people gather them up and burn them on a regular basis, then they aren’t decorative. Therefore having a bunch of sticks artfully placed doesn’t make a yard artistic, it makes it messy.

However, because negotiation is such a key aspect of the game, there are a couple exceptions (but strict ones! I am not giving you leave to go counting every oddly shaped pile of sticks you see!)
(1)   I will take exception to this rule if something is truly extraordinary; then it is subject to the creativity bonus. So if you happen to find a scaled-down Stonehenge in someone’s front yard, by all means negotiate.
(2)   If the natural object has been creatively modified by a man made material. This could be paint, clothing, glitter or whatever synthetic substance the yard artist has selected to improve upon Nature. Lights don’t count because they are lame and uncreative (unless it’s after Christmas, Holiday Bonus!) And spotlights don’t count because they’re not actually modifying, they’re highlighting. And no, stacking objects on top of each other is not modifying them either.

Well, Maybe

10 comments:

  1. Do you see who I had to play against. You guys have it easy.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well said. The Dog applauds the Higher Power.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Many thanks to the Higher Power for so deftly elucidating the rules of the game concerning rocks.
    I am even now in serious stealth planning to capture a yard so confounding as to make your head spin, one of the main elements in said yard - is the abundance of painted rocks but, I swear, I would never hope to have them scored...wait! She said paint! It's in print, she said paint! Holy cow, I've hit the mother lode! :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Once the higher power has spoken, what's girl to do?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Lola Nova, I can hardly wait and yet I think The Higher Power was not as succinct as she may have thought. I foresee a whole lot of white washed rocks in my future. And that will be a battle.

    Tufa Girl... There is always someone...

    eventer79, I think we have been issued a warning.

    ReplyDelete
  6. The Higher Power is getting picky. What if a fairly sizable lawn had been completely replaced by various colored rocks arranged in patterns around a centrally located, very small, yet functional oil rig, next to which lied an unproportionately large pile of rocks and a 10 gallon bucket? How many points for the bucket?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Exactly the point, all those rocks would be landscaping... AND if the bucket was functional then you are looking at a zero tally. Life is tough, Qorviq

    The Higher Power is the referee, no one likes the ref. It is a lonely job.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Yes dictating...errr refereeing is tough, but someone has to step in when lifeshighway gets too soft!

    And as far as the whitewashing goes... Since no points have actually been assigned to the whole painted rock thing, they are only subject to the creativity bonus (I mean, they ARE still rocks...). And personally I don't think a white rock is very creative, so you would get no points from me! Come back with a replica of The Last Supper and I may reconsider...

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hmm....**hurridly paints Jesus while the Judas rock dries on the porch**

    ReplyDelete

Field Reporters: feel free to mingle with your public

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.