But The Yard Art Game does not score mailboxes. I have never been impressed with fish, cow or pony postal bins. Painted flowers, farms scenes and tractors did not move my hard hard heart.
But yesterday on Facebook I was informed that these are quite common in Florida:
dolphin, manatee, and wandering spiritual guidance manatee asking for donations but alas, no gold manatee
Followed by the discoveries submitted eventer79 of We Are Flying Solo:
Poor redneck bear, he stoically maintains his stare, trying to pretend he isn't stuck next to Trailer-Trash Tina for eternity.
If I was the mailman, I'd be getting my hands tested for VD daily. I think it's the details that get me -- the thong, the muffin top, the tattoo, the sleazy wink.......
"Have I got a picture for you! A mailbox. Shaped like a bend over hooker. And you cram the mail in her hoohah. She likes it from behind"
You cannot fake that kind of enthusiasm. Although I suspect Tina fakes it all the time.
I'm pretty sure postal regulations have some kind of rule about making your mailman stick his hand up a hooker's butt. NO MAIl FOR YOU!
ReplyDeletehoodyhoo, it does seem almost a crime against nature. Delivering mail could scar you for life.
ReplyDeleteI did not know Florida is redneck country. Learn something new everyday. Those manatee mailboxes holders are actually pretty cool in a offbeat kind of way. Are you getting one?
ReplyDeleteIt is redneck country everywhere Donna...that last one is the best--WORST I have ever seen..I would move and definitely bid on a new route as a mailperson....
ReplyDeletegwgt, Ok I admit it, there is a small piece of me that wants to order a manatee mailbox spray it metallic gold and be greeted each day by an effigy of the Golden Manatee. I have this tiny problem with the neighborhood having to have all matching mailboxes...the repressors.
ReplyDeleteDonna and Donna's comment to Donna... it's to early for this confusion. I agree there are rednecks everywhere. And their artist expressions are a delight for everyone.
Just to clarify, Tina and her bear neighbour live in NC, not FL. And I maintain that if I were the postal deliverer, you can bet the mail would be getting hurled out my truck window onto the grass.
ReplyDeleteOh and YES, I want a manatee mailbox. I do not have neighbourhood nazi rules.
eventer79, true that was a little misleading lead-in. The manatee mailboxes are common in Florida. Tina can be seen six days a week in Lillington,NC. She gets Sunday off to rest her hoohah.
ReplyDeleteeventer79, better be careful what you wish for...
Holy crap do I want a manatee mailbox, that's just awesome, and the Missus really loves manatees. I would think that the postal deliverer to the "hooker-box" would wise up and file a multi-million dollar sexual harassment lawsuit against the city, the property owner, etc. Who wants to schlep mail all day when you can sit at home with your court judgment winnings?
ReplyDeleteLMAO!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteWould it be considered defamation of property to paint someone ELSE's manatee gold? I mean, you're only increasing the property value for them. Community service, like.
ReplyDeleteAs for the hooker box, I wonder how much she gets paid. I'm pretty sure that *this* um..."service" isn't covered under her normal rising scale fee of what her time is worth. (hmm...want to go into detail...telling self NOT to go into detail...posting comment before I go into detail anyway...)
El Gaucho, funny your went for the Manatee mailbox and made no mention of Tina...
ReplyDeleteJester, yeah I know. Imagine getting that particular text across your phone.
regirl, I would think it a civic duty to gold-ify manatees where ever we see them.
You know you could get arm herpes every time you deposited the mail. I wonder what residents may charge the farm boys for her special um services...
Maybe the mail*person* wears one of those plastic-evening-gown-type gloves when he ...umm ...puts it in. ( I really hate myself right now for that)
ReplyDeleteMaybe the owners had sheep and wanted to provide an alternative.
redgirl, ah you don't hate yourself that much. I keep letting out the line...
ReplyDelete*I meant to say: those gloves that they use when artificially inseminating cows
ReplyDeleteI knew what you mean, they use them in horses too. I have worn them...oops too much information.
ReplyDeleteI did a presentation on AI for 4-H when I was 12. I think I got dinged out of my Gold b/c they thought it was too adult for me. (that's what I heard later from one of the younger judges)
ReplyDeleteI just wonder what the homeowner does with his mailbox in the middle of the night. Lillington is an...interesting...place.
ReplyDeleteredgirl, what 12 year old wears the big glove and well, you know.
ReplyDeleteeventer79: I propose we do a stake-out.
And have you wondered who he got to model this work of art?
Isn't it the wife?
ReplyDeleteO yes. I just went there.
Can you imagine the manatees bringing your mail? They ring the door bell, and, when you open it, you see them standing there, silent but friendly.
ReplyDeleteThe last picture reminds me of somebody, but I can't remember who.
Olga, the manatees can bring me the mail any day. It would be thrilling.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it will come to you.
If the manatees bring the mail to your door, it's because they don't want to mess with Tina
ReplyDeleteYes, these mailboxes are VERY popular in FL, along with others that are similar. I happen to LOVE mailboxes and, if done well, consider them AMAZING yard art!!
ReplyDeleteKimberly, as I have said before the game is completely open to negotiation. Sooo if you have something amazing to share, I am sure the gang here would strong arm me (or try to).
ReplyDeleteYou could specialize and be our mailbox reporter...hey I like that idea.
Oh, my! I finally get to the computer today and I find Tricky Tina showing off her hoohah. What is this blog coming to??? I suspect the middle of the night visitors are the young rednecks who haven't yet learned to approach "real" girls, and there is probably an unseen honor box for them to place their paper offerings. The homeowner uses the money to bribe the city officials into leaving Tina alone. Happens in every town.
ReplyDeleteYou are very worldly Mom L
ReplyDeleteMy Mail Ladies would be so embarrassed. LOL!
ReplyDeleteLet's hope to god those offerings are paper, Mom L.
ReplyDeleteHocking Hills Gardener, your mail ladies should be embarrassed for them.
ReplyDeleteeventer79, here I was all set to respond a nice polite message to miss Hocking Hills and then I run into your quip and Diet Coke goes up my nose.
There should be warning. Do not sip DC while reading comments... nasal irritation and mild coughing fits could occur.
LH, at my age I feel worldly.
ReplyDeleteEventer 79, if Tina is in a rural area, they might still be using the good old barter system. If they don't have paper offerings, it might be ears of corn.
Mom L, I take back what I said....
ReplyDeleteLH, what?!!! I'm not wordly? Get that DC out of your nose!!!
ReplyDeleteHahaha omg that is the best hooker mailbox! She even has a muffin top!
ReplyDeleteI do love the dolphin and manitee though- and panama city is the redneck riviera in case y'all didn't know :)
Oh, I think you get points for the hooker mailbox. That is nasty. Tell me there isn't a woman living in the house that is collecting the mail that way.
ReplyDeleteMom L, ask Diane
ReplyDeletediane, have you been to Panama City? Perhaps we need a Florida reporter.
Lin, I would entertain the thought but eventer79 has retired from competition.
LH - some late night over a few drinks I'll tell you all about the time 16-year old Diane met Panama City. Or a few years later.....
ReplyDeleteOMG! The pictures in this blog never fail to amaze me. I will just enjoy the Happy Hooker (mailman better not be named John!).
ReplyDeleteMy wife says that living in Asia and having too much Japanese/Chinese influence on landscaping is what is preventing me from joining your game. How sad. I do recall seeing statues of Snow White and her minions as a child so maybe . . .
Bom, your wife is right. Americans invented tacky kitsch, it is our legacy. Sad or delightful as that is.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I'm not an active NASCAR fan anymore, I am mortified to see Dale Earnhart Jr's racin' number hanging from the scantbox's neck.
ReplyDeleteI'm surprised someone hasn't chain saw'd it down.
Feldspar, that should pretty much tell you about the fan base...just sayin.
ReplyDeleteHaters may counter attack at will.
Lin, lh is right -- I no longer accept points in the game, but I do still send in photos if I pass something irresistible, just for the sheer joy of the game.
ReplyDeleteMom L., you'll understand it when you're older...