I walked in Prissy's Palace of Pleasure and had a plan...that plan comprised of avoiding direct eye contact. Mission almost accomplished...eye contact avoiding systems were go and I made it to the register un-accosted. With my appointed duties almost complete, I bumped into and made unavoidable made eye contact with him.... hospital man.
This odious little man was so "anxious", that he could not take the time to go home and take off all his hospital tape, bandages and little ID bracelet before stopping at the pleasure palace for his entertainment. He made eye contact and tried to engage me in CONVERSATION. He still had his friggin' hospital tag on! He still had his friggin' cotton ball IV tape combo. And he smiled like he was proud. "I just had a lung removed but I could not wait to get the new release of Bouncing Babes and Donkeys Part III and this little doohickey...want to see?"
Anyway, m3rma1d of Fuzzy Foliage came home from the hospital with her own mission. (um...I am really sorry about the lead in):
Something about being in a hospital makes one anxious.Snapped this coming home from the hospital yesterday (yeah I ended up having to go back for a few days with some nasty complications)
Anyways, I am SO PISSED! I wanted to get a pic of this place for the last coupla weeks 'cos they still had their Xmas reindeer out. WOULDN'T IT JUST FIGURE, they finally put them away during the 4 days I was in hospital, the jerks.
Sorry its not a great pic, it was taken in the car and I didn't wanna get caught by that other neighbor who was walking in the background there....
The horse always freaks me out when we drive by at night, I always think it's a deer or something.I'm still pissed the reindeer got put away :-( But there is the horse, and the giant lighthouse, and some other assorted goodies. Still, the reindeer, THE REINDEER! I better calm down I'll wind up back in the hospital.
I'd watch out for the neighbor...and avoid eye contact
Score
- Pony (must be a werepony): 1 point
- Lighthouse: 1 point
- Whirli-gig flower: 1 point
- Cherub: 1 point
Tie a yellow ribbon round the ol' erect .... (catchy): 1 point + 1 for dressed - swan: 1 point
- and good news, light pole with what look like Christmas ribbon: 1 point + 4 point holiday bonus
Subtotal: 12 points
Creativity Bonus
Not an inspiring collection, perhaps I would have to see the pony at night. But for the dedication of an hospital recovery field reporter: 2 points
Total: 14 points
What happens when you go into shops of dubious nature:
oh how I try to be lightning free
http://randomfunnypicture.com
OH. MAH. GAWD. If you need porn THAT BAD, you should probably still be in the hospital! And for some reason, all our "adult stores" in Wes'BYGAWD Virginny seem to be out in farmin' country... so you see a sign that says "PEEP SHOW" right beside "AMISH CHEESE."
ReplyDeletehoodyhoo, I know. I just imagined him jumping in the car of his ride home from his surgery and demanding a quick stop at the nasty store. Let's hope it wasn't his Mamma.
ReplyDeleteNote to self: do not pick up any Amish Cheese in WV. You don't know who may have been touching it.
m3rma1d - i know how you feel. I was going to snap a photo of a Christmas house in my old 'hood and found the guy rolling in the last box of extension cords. Almost took a photo just as proof.
ReplyDeletem3rma1d, sorry to hear you've been under the weather, but glad you're out and about and taking pictures! I just bet that horse has caused more than one night driver to slam on the brakes.
ReplyDeleteTufa Girl, that is part of the gamble. Do you want or do yo take the earlier bonus. You have to admire her dedication!
ReplyDeleteMorningGlory, if m3rma1d has problems like we do with deer, if am sure she does slam on her brakes at the deer sized pony...or it's werepony. I'm not giving up on my theory at this point.
Why, I say, WHY did I not get to hear this story in person????
ReplyDeleteeventer79, oh man it is a great story in person. Then you can see my horror and indignation and I can do the germy man shudder.
ReplyDeleteJust to play Devils Advocate here, maybe the poor man has dementia or some other debilitating disease or mental condition and wandered away from the hospital. Upon seeing the "naughty nurse" costume displayed in the front window, in his confused state, he assumed that he had returned to the proper medical establishment. Anybody buying it?
ReplyDeletem3rma1d, Oh, the frustration of having Scoreable Yard Art snatched away while you are unavoidably detained. The horse would startle me, too, even though I secretly covet owning a ce-ment one. The lighthouse is pretty impressive even though it's purpose is unclear as I don't even see a plastic kiddie wading pool in the vicinity. I hope you're feeling much better now, even if the disappointment of the missing reindeer still stings.
ReplyDeletelifeshighway, I can just picture you stealthily sneaking into the Adult Toys R Us store and trying to make a clean getaway (ok, 'clean' may be more than you can hope for in a porn store, unless you were Hermetically Sealed for your own protection.) And then you meet Hospital Man who just got out of the hospital...gives the acronym ICU a whole new meaning.
He's probably eyeing that horse for a lil equine lovin'.
ReplyDeleteEl Gaucho, I will play along as being a male you will automatically try to defend the scuzzy hospital fellow with his NEEDS. Perhaps he was attracted to the Naught Nurse costume. I don't know if I saw one being that I kept my eyes adverted to point of almost running into the wall.
ReplyDeleteKaren, you are right, it was snatched from her very weaken fingers. And I think, I may need to make a future point about lighthouse not guarding kiddie pools (good one)
I was stealthy, as please don't let anyone see me, please please please. Oh and some regret that I did not bring plastic gloves.
Laura, it looks to me that lurker neighbor already has an intimate relationship with the trash can.
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure he was a deviant of the highest order, just thought I could spell out a reasonable scenario where he wasn't a weirdo, but I guess that was a more difficult task than I imagined.
ReplyDeleteEl Gaucho, you gave it a good try and I am pretty sure the nurses were glad to see him go.
ReplyDeleteWhat a lovely story to come find on my Friday! Good job taking one for the team, LH.
ReplyDeleteOr in the words of one of my commenters:
am seeing some information helpful. i enjoy exactly how you receive your level throughout.
redgirl, those are indeed wise words to live by.
ReplyDeleteThat billboard--I just can't believe anyone would put it up. I guess it is supposed to be comforting but to me it sounds sinister.
ReplyDeleteHey Redgirl-- I had a comment very similar to that one too! The comments usually end with an offer to buy Viagara, however. I don't know how they found out we are in need of it though. ICU indeed.
ReplyDeleteCarolyn, I guess you had better stop frequenting adult stores then, because HE sees. And he looks disappointed.
ReplyDeleteKaren, Am I thinking hospital man needed a little less Viagra.
Karen, I know what you mean! Maybe Viagra has some other properties that we Laydays don't know anything about. Or maybe we have gentlemen in our lives that we weren't aware could benefit from the marvelous, magical pill. Personally, I'd rather hear from proponents of Viagra than for some of the sites being touted in the spam portion of my comments.
ReplyDeleteI hardly ever get spam. I guess I am not spam worthy.
ReplyDeleteI would pay money to get lh in an adult store. The entertainment value would be immeasureable. Hmmm, maybe on our next horse trip we will be stopping into Priscilla's to pick up a little something for the road...
ReplyDeleteeventer79, you talk a big game...
ReplyDeleteYou are definitely Spam Worthy!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Karen. I think.
ReplyDeleteOoooops, I mean that in a good way, truly I do! You must have very efficient spam protection, which you could have used to protect you from Hospital Man.
ReplyDeleteKaren, I don't have any spam protection, except the "we don't how in the heck to classify this blog" therefore I think spammers don't find me.
ReplyDeleteAlso I don't have a stalker or any hate mail. Sigh, when you are small, haters can't be bothered.
I know! I've been wanting a troll on my site for a while, I think it is a sign of great distinction.
ReplyDeleteMy secret for spam getting it spam is to join a couple blog sites and forums. They will give you spam....no questions asked :)
m3rma1d - hope you get better soon.
ReplyDelete(Can't think of anything else to say that would be politically correct ...)
redgirl, I agree. It would be a badge of honor to have a troll.
ReplyDeleteb-a-g, that is very nice and I am sure m3rma1d appreciates your sentiment. But come on...don't hold back. You are amongst friends.
A troll, is yard art too?
ReplyDeleteWhat about this? Corten steel bunny
But this one is art, not Art.
Did "Hospital Man" still have his hospital gown on?
ReplyDelete@hoodyhoo: Maybe the Peep Show was OF Amish Cheese. Takes all kinds, I suppose.
Finally, I wonder if the "doodads" come with batteries?
OK, it ate my link
ReplyDeletehttp://thefieldofgold.blogspot.com/2011/04/year-of-big-central-otago-rabbit.html
Al, He did not but he still has his orange stains from the swabbing for the IV. So I deemed him fresh. Plush his cotton ball was very new looking. I know this because I was looking everywhere except into his eye.
ReplyDeleteI might go see a peep show featuring Amish Cheese. Doodads required batteries but you have to buy your own.
Elephant Eye, The big rabbit is indeed worth noting. I may have to declare him Art. I like it quite a bit.
Ug...orange stained cotton balls NOT on the rear ends of rabbits. I object to the man on principle alone, sight unseen.
ReplyDeleteAre you familiar with the popular film "Bouncing Babes and Donkeys Part III?"
redgirl, you should object, you are seconded handed offended!
ReplyDeleteI am not familiar with the video and I did not want to hear the plot, plot being defined rather loosely. I think I heard it went straight to video.
Not that I object to hearing about it, you understand ;)
ReplyDeleteIt must be tough for those studios that don't make it to theater. I wonder how they manage to find a viable audience?
And again, I come in late. Oh, the fun I have missed! LH - I understand about the er, toy store - Diane and a friend of hers escorted me into one many years ago. Ah, the shame!!!
ReplyDeletem3ma1d - You did very well considering the circumstances! I tried several times to take pictures of a whopping Christmas yard, and twice I even had my camera with me! The first time, however, I "accidentally" took a video (I don't know HOW that happened!) and it was too big to email. Next time the snow had melted enough that the owners had taken in all the elves and gnomes and things, even the manger.
El Gaucho - I believe your story. At least he wasn't a nekkid man if he was covered in orange cottom balls. Hmmm - maybe a holiday bonus there?
LH - I would definitely not enter an adult store if the Big Man was watching.
Don't feel too bad, Mom L. It's kind of like a scavenger hunt. LH and I keep hopping ahead and having convo's...we wait for you to get there...and then we hop over to the next location.
ReplyDeleteredgirl, you and LH remind me of some people I used to hike with in the No. Georgia mountains. My legs are definitely height challenged, so on the long slopes up I'd finally reach a resting point and lovely vista, only to have those ahead of me get off their hinies and move on ahead!
ReplyDeleteSheesh.
Obviously, staying in the hospital will bring you the most unwanted feelings that can last for days and weeks!
ReplyDeleteMom L, you did not miss the party, the party always waits for you.
ReplyDeleteOh wait where did redgirl go, later.
HVAC Allentown PA, are you spam cause we were just talking about that.
Somehow this hospital guy does not surprise me showing up at the adult store. Seems like what would be considered a regular if you ask me.
ReplyDeleteSomeone introduce that man to the Internet. All the porn you could ever want, and you don't have to scare the general public watching it.
ReplyDeleteHa! Funny you started this post with "tales from an adult store..." I used to work at one! Trust me, hospital guy is tame compared to some of the regulars we got!
ReplyDeleteThanks all for the get well wishes! I am feeling much better now. Still not 100%, but definitely better than I was! (in case yer wondering what happened, I had my gallbladder removed... Then everything seemed ok until a couple days later when I was in excruciating pain.. Turns out, a rogue stone had escaped before gallbladder removal, and lodged in my bile duct! :-o They were gonna remove it surgically, but I passed it... TALK ABOUT OUCHIE!! Like I said, I am much better now and glad to be outta the hosp for SURE!)
m3ma1d - did you take pictures of the rogue stone? You know how LH and her fan club love photos...you could even paint the stone and turn it into conversation piece!!
ReplyDeleteAnd notice I'm up - actually, I haven't been to bed yet.....
Makes you wonder what he was in the hospital for. Maybe he'd broken up with the vacuum cleaner hose and needed a new friend.
ReplyDeletem3rma1d, do you think you are just going to slip that little tidbit in and we not demand stories! Lots of stories. In fact, I may have to do a weekly series dedicated to stuff m3rma1d saw at the porn store.
ReplyDeleteMom L, you were still up at 12:00! I am impressed. I am a light weight and fall asleep pretty early. I live such an exciting life.
Casa Mariposa, that is hilarious.
How do you mend a broken heart, how do you stop the rain from falling down, how do you stop the sun from shinning and what makes the vacuum no longer suck.
Oh, boy, I'm still laughing, imagining you and hospital man! I guess he hasn't seen the billboard.
ReplyDeleteOMG I totally just spotted a PONY today! The yard I pass constantly with the zillion bird houses and accoutrements (say that in a fancy Frenchy accent for best effect) ... I turned up their street instead of passing by on their side street, and they have a freakin pony with a wreath or something around his neck. And he looks a little demonic. I have to go tomorrow and take pictures. Hopefully it doesn't snow. Then up the street is another house with all their ducks in a row, I'm getting them too tomorrow. Whoopie.
ReplyDeletedebsgarden, hospital man is burned in my brain.
ReplyDeleteLauren, It is so good to see you back in the game. You have been missed!
You gotta worry about Santa Claus, too. He sees you all the time and I think "adult" stores qualify as naughty!
ReplyDeleteLH - I think I have a circadian rythym disorder - I meant I was STILL up at noon from the night before. I finally crashed around 4pm. I blame it on your blog. Hospital man, mailbox slut, and other funky beings inhabit my mind now. And now, thanks to ChrisJ, I've got to worry about Santa!!!
ReplyDeleteChrisJ, I am pretty sure Santa may frown on adult book stores. I do not know what he thinks of passion parties (that is a story for another day)
ReplyDeleteMomL, yes you had better worry about Santa since he know when you are awake and all....
the old "gag-gift" story. riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
ReplyDeleteDiane, I already told on you above, how you and your buddy escorted me into one of "those" stores!
ReplyDeleteI didn't get a pic of the rogue stone, because after it ripped thru my bile duct, I passed it thru my digestive system which means it ended up in my poop and I didn't wanna go looking for it. I DID get a pic of the 13 boulders they took outta my gallbladder after removing it, pic is on my Facebook of course. I got to keep the stones, I am a jeweler and I wanna make a bracelet. Some of them are crumbling tho :-(
ReplyDeleteOh and yeah. I can tell adult store stories alright.
diane, I would not throw stones as I did not drag my mother into the den of porn.
ReplyDeleteMom L, ha still wish I had been there.
m3rma1d, you are going to fit in so well around here. Of course we would LOVE to see you gall bladder stone bracelet.
Seriously, next time we go to dinner, I expect the live re-enactment of this story. OMG!
ReplyDeletesee i told you guys, people who know me personally are shocked, shocked I say that I made it past the front door.
ReplyDeleteBelgian-Mom it is a deal. I never told anyone because I still had lingering mortification.
Surprised we wasn't there to purchase "Buxom Blond Candy Strippers VII"..
ReplyDeleteIndoor Fountains, that sounds like the voice of experience.
ReplyDeleteOk, back from the weekend.
ReplyDeleteMom L: I know EXACTLY what you are talking about! I suck at hiking fast, and I would see my family waiting ahead, SITTING and RELAXING and I would think "Oh my lucky stars! I can't wait to sit down!" And I would get within 5 feet or so and it would be up up and away. It about makes you want to cry. That said, think of it like a scavenger hunt. If you can find us, you're welcome to join us :)
m3rma1d: ...we still want stories. would you be so kind as to provide?
Diane: Why oh why did you escort your mother into a den of porn?
redgirl, I think m3ma1d, should start a blog dedicated to porn store stories or even better she could guest post her porn experience here, where we would love and cherish her.
ReplyDeleteDiane took her Mom because her mom is Mom L. The entertainment factor was too high to resist.
Then maybe Mom L (if she isn't too exhausted from staying up so late) might care to share exACTly what happened >:D
ReplyDeleteTrue. There is not enough porn stories going around here!
ReplyDeleteGee...66 comments - Is that some kind of record?
ReplyDeleteAnyhoo... As I read LH's description of her Hospital Man encounter, I cannot help but mentally see her telling me this story which makes it even funnier!
The sideways eyes, the hands up as if to say stay away, and the ever increasing vocal pitch.
Ahahahahaaaaaa.......
I did tell you the story of the time I went into one of "those stores" and a guy came out of the dressing room buck naked didn't I?
Even if she's heard it, WE haven't!
ReplyDelete*tears of joy*
WANT!
No you did not but do tell.
ReplyDeleteFinally, we are getting down to some stories.
ok, I will admit my voice does goes up a pitch or two when I get excited and I am telling a story.
ReplyDeleteHa! Can totally see that.
ReplyDeleteAnd maybe I gesture a *teensy* bit when I'm story telling..
OK ok ok OK, I gesture a lot and I make sound effects. Are you happy.
ReplyDeleteI would say we've BOTH begged enough! And if we beg and don't get anything... >:(
ReplyDeleteDang it. I just typed out the entire story, and my Time Allotment expired. Will have to retype later.
ReplyDeleteGees.
Ah, she's stringing us along. You're such a tease, Belgian-Mom!
ReplyDeleteSo, I'm wondering....was this shot on the way TO the hospital or on the way BACK??? I am impressed that your hospital bracelet didn't stop you from getting the shot. ;)
ReplyDeleteOK, it's past post-time and you already have another up, but I just HAD to respond here!! Redgirl - thanks for the commiseration; even when I was a hike "leader" I was usually behind!
ReplyDeleteLH - I think I'm safe in believing Diane won't be back on this particular post again so she probably won't get to tell you the whole story behind the "thingy" store. At least I saw no nekkid men coming out of closets...