Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Why Your Neighbor May Hate You

One of my neighbors hates me. I know why. When I first moved into our home I was Miss-Little-Get-My-Yard-Perfect. The house was new, we had no landscaping and I was taking a break from horses. She loved me, she is my very own crazy yard lady. CYL, is always outside weeding her lawn by hand, crawling on her knees, parting the grass like a monkey looking for fleas. Some how she thought we would be the best-est of buddies. Well time goes on, I got my yard established. I bought my horse, Pete, and my attention wandered from constant yard work.

I failed her, she hates me. Sometimes I have weeds. She does not know about my pet gnomes.

Lauren of Lend Me Some Sugar comments and submits (and pretty much does my job for me):

This shot gives a good look at the neighbor's immaculately manicured, devoid of yard art yard. Can you imagine what they think?
 pretty much, I can. Sometimes my neighbor narrows her eyes at my general direction.

Ignore all but the Majestic Bald Eagle, who appears to be so embarrassed he's turned his back on the world. Or maybe he is looking into the pond for some snacks? Also,  there's a green frog on the ground, which you can't see in the other pictures, mid way between the eagle and that dolphin. 2 points

  • grey dolphin riding plume of aqua: 1 point
  • mini hillbilly ball: 1 point
  • pair of buttery golden yellow lions: 2 points
  • 2 more mini balls of hillbilly persuasion: 2 points
  • 2 grey mini rail-sitting lions: 2 points
  • painted plywood Holly Hobby with watering can or whatnot: 1 point
  • Trifecta of Seahorses shouldering bird bath!!! (my favorite) 3 points
  • little girl statue on a brick sitting inside the birdbath (obviously a privileged young lady to reside upon the seahorse birdbath: 1 point
  • brown Teddy Graham bear standing behind a
  • mini hillbilly ball: 2 points
  • mini disco GLITTER hillbilly ball (shake shake shake, shake your boody): 1 point
  • statue of Sean Connery wearing a fez and singing "Feed the Birds, Tuppence a Bag" (a la Name Of The Rose - brilliant ploy but still St Francis ) 0 points
  • fairy on a pedestal: 1 point
  • rear view of what I think are either gnomes or perhaps sitting boys that used to have fishing poles, or the red shirt/hat one could be one of those jockeys ( I think fishing boy and Dutch boy) 4 points

Occupants of home loading stuff into vehicles and/or staring right at me, I can't decide if they noticed me or not. No shots were fired.

to the far right, Little curly haired boy statue with basket and puppy dog. 1 point

Subtotal: 24 points

Creativity Bonus

An eclectic collections with a couple of nice kitsch items. Of course I love the lovely seahorse birdbath royal court with Miss Goody Two Shoes Holly Hobby bowing and the bear offering the yard queen tidbits of from his offered tray of delectable delights: 3 points

Total: 27 points

Lauren has a full set. I hope she is working out

A little something I found on from the crazy neighbor instruction manual:
reporters, let's be careful out there


  1. Lauren, you earned those bravery balls if the homeowners were watching you take pictures. I'm in awe of your courage, girl. Nice find with lots and lots of variety!

  2. LH, nice crowning touch to the seahorse birdbath.

    Lauren, perhaps the folks thought you were taking photos for the "yard of the month" award. Otherwise, well deserved Golden Ball award.

  3. MorningGlory, aren't you thrilled to see a seahorse birdbath in Iowa!!! I know I am.

    Tufa Girl, thanks. You probably see the rifle bikes all the time in Texas.

  4. Iowa? Really? I hadn't realized that the seahorse birdbath had migrated north of the Mason-Dixon line!

  5. MorningGlory, it is like the South is rising again and starting a whole seahorse birdbath movement!

  6. "2 more mini balls of hillbilly persuasion" lol.

  7. -E- maybe you could had hillbilly ball to your vast lexicon.

    Perhaps I should write up a TYAG glossary.

  8. Lauren, wow, you have found a truly impressive yard here. And you earned the Golden Ball of Bravery--the homeowners were way too close for comfort. Maybe we should discuss the need for bullet-proof vestage for these very brave Field Reporters who risk life and limb on foot patrol. Wimpy me only does Drive By Yard Art reporting. (DBTYAG). Lauren has graduated to SWAT team tactics, shock and awe, shoot and run.

  9. WOW!!!! you found a place with "THE BIRDBATH" of all birdbaths! Good Going!!!
    and HEY! whose stole my son's bicycle? oh wait, there's no pvc pipe on both sides holding his fishing poles.....

    finally a break from school, nice to be checking in again!

  10. Karen, Lauren is a senior reporter who started the first year of The Yard Art Game. Perhaps as you progress on your journey you could risk a shoot and run (which I love and I also love DBTYAG)

  11. Howdy Jester!

    Someone how I am not the least surprised that your son may mount a rifle on his bike.

  12. I thought everybody had a gun rack on their bike.

  13. Laura, everybody should but I think if you are serious about speed the drag factor slows you down.

  14. Oh, those neighbours! Just like parents, you can't choose `em. Your really deserve this Golden Ball of Bravery. If I were to see such a bike, I wouldn`t dare go near it.

  15. I love, love, love that it's a "comfort" bike.

  16. Olga, if you get a bike like it, you would be prepared for any kind of emergency. Of course, you would need really good balance.

    Stacy, now see YOU could probably ride and shot and not fall over.

  17. Oh, my, Lauren! Wonderful yard - and I especially like the neighbor's pristine yard in counterpoint to THE yard! Diane will be sorry she missed this one when she lived out here.

    LH, I know you were excited when you saw the seahorse bird bath, but don't you think the little lady on top of the tilt-a-bath is a little bit nervous about falling over?

  18. Mom L, the power of the seahorse birdbath will protect her that and her hover crown.

  19. Doesn't everybody weed their lawns by hand and check for fleas ?

  20. LH, the gun racks are gone - been replaced with fishing poles or pool cues. Cause pool cues are not dangerous.

    b-a-g - no crawling around on the knees in Texas, too many crawly things that bite with venom.

  21. b-a-g, I KNEW IT, you are crazy neighbor material.

    Tufa Girl, pool cues are dangerous in my hands. There is no telling where I may unintentionally send the eight ball.

    At least there is no naked billiards, that I know of....

  22. If you're going to mount a rack on your bike, you may as well mount a cup holder to hold your suds in while you bike about the land looking for trouble ere you get a might parched.

  23. Squirt bottle holders, please. You would not want to miss a drop.

  24. Dang! Lauren kicks ass! Not only did she find all that crap along with the seahorse bird bath--but she was all out spotted by the homeowners. She is my new idol!! Go Lauren!!! You rock!!

  25. My client lives beside a CGL who also hand weeds her huge yard. She has been working on it for weeks attacking thousands on dandelions. There is a definite demarcation of dandelion zone, versus no dandelions. I so want to take a photo because no one would believe me the monumental task she undertook, but she is ALWAYS out there.

  26. hmm that is some incredibly tasteful art... :p

  27. redgirl, good point because it is probably (I am not a lawyer) probably quite legal to ride your bike around downing a cold one while packing a rifle. Sounds like a pleasant day to me.

    Tufa Girl, when they start putting beer in squirt bottles let me know. It could come in very handy.

    Lin, Lauren is an inspiration to all the trembling new reporters. Just go out there and act like you know what you are doing.

    gwgt, ah so you know what I am taking about. My own personal CN, parts the grass looking for errant grass varieties.

    Intraman, I think I love you.

  28. I grew up 2 houses from the corner house, where the lady spent all her waking hours on her knees in the grass looking for weeds and crabgrass. And Florida stickers. She had a lovely husband (I had a teenage crush on him) and 2 sweet daughters, but she was as crabby as the grass she tried to eliminate. We all thought she was crazy. Maybe her soul returned to inhabit Lauren's neighbor out here in Iowa!

  29. What do you mean, "start" putting beer in squirt bottles? Who has not already mastered this useful task?

  30. Mom L, I think being on your hands and knees all day parting grass like a monkey makes you slowly go crazy.

    eventer79, I meant in convenient prepackaged squirt bottle containers.

  31. gardenwalk/talk: that is indeed sad, for I wish to see a picture of this. Does she perhaps ever go to the store? Any family members that could help you with a stakeout?

    LH: A good idea as far as we are concerned, but the cops can still get you on a BUI. (Biking under...) Such a sad, sad fact. I firmly feel that if you have the coordination to get up and ride that thing without falling over, you're good to go.

    Tufa girl: I agree with you. It needs to be squirt bottles. Not only can a squirt bottle be tasteful and discreet, they come in classy colors too. Pre-packaged is the key here, I think. We're all busy people, think of the time it would take to bottle your own!

  32. I think that was Easter Day, too. I saw the house and J. did a quick U-turn for me so I could get the shot. He's the best driver ever.

  33. A great get-a-way driver is an important tool in the Field Reporter Arsenal.


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